Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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