I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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