I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
