A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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