we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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