my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
