Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
