I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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