I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
