Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I think your dad took our porno
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
