if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
