Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
