if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
