In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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