I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
