he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
