Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
