If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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