her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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