Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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