Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
