Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
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