I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
