Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
