You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
even my farts smell like vagina
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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