I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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