im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
