I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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