he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize