my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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