Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
