she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
