My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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