that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
