You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
