sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
