Jerry, you need to find god
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
