guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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