The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
