i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
