It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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