I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
