I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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