dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
