Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
