just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
babies were throwing up all over the place
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
