Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
