what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
