Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
