that's an acceptable place to lick
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
