Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
