I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I need moral support for this bender
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
