so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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