Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
did you just send me my own nude
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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