and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
