totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
