I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
people are starting to question the shark bite story
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
