when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
