We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
