There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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