i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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