i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
