Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
