just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It's never too late to be topless.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize