so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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