Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
then he tried to convert me to islam
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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