made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
