either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
